50 Facts

So this week I turn 50. A number of my friends are doing that ’50 before 50’ thing, but I realised that I have no desire to run a marathon or skydive or do any of the things that are usually on those lists. I also realised that I have done some pretty interesting things in my life by virtue of my career as a journalist and my obsession with all things spiritual. So I wrote out a list of 50 facts about my life that warrant commenting on. I was going to put up a whole post about the list, but realised it would run to thousands of words in order to do it justice, so I have decided to put up a post a week which explains each of the facts in more detail. Below are the facts to intrigue you and if you come back every Tuesday, you’ll find another one explained. First one is next week (8th October 2024).

  1. I was buried alive in Sussex woodland.
  2. I have snorkelled in the Great Barrier Reef.
  3. I fished in a crocodile-filled river in the Outback.
  4. I rode a horse over a sand beach and through surf in Aruba.
  5. I yelled “bloody footballers” at the entire Arsenal football team including Arsene Wenger as they filed past me.
  6. I visited Scotland’s highest whisky distillery (Dalwhinnie).
  7. I dined at the Hotel du Marc (Vevue Clicquot’s private hospitality venue for press and VIPs).
  8. I chaired the Quality Drink Awards and kept scary Masters of Wine and Spirits judges in line.
  9. I have abseiled 100ft down the Holiday Inn in Brent Cross.
  10. I have taken part in ayahuasca and san pedro ceremonies.
  11. I am a child refugee whose father was a political prisoner under the military dictatorship of Pakistan’s Zia Ul-Haq. 
  12. I walked across two of the highest peaks in Madeira (Pico do Arieiro to Pico Ruivo).
  13. I was filmed for the Most Haunted tv show as part of an overnight live ghost hunt at Dudley Castle.
  14.  I went on an overnight ghost hunt at Tissington Hall in Derbyshire.
  15.  I got close to experiencing ghostly activity in Clapham Woods, Sussex.
  16.  I got properly scared by ghosts at the White Hart hotel in Lincoln.
  17.  I have spoken to psychic horses.
  18.  I surfed over coral reef in the Maldives.
  19.  I was belly dance correspondent for Dance Today magazine.
  20. I was booze correspondent for one summer at Metro newspaper.
  21.  I did a show in which I was Melinda Messenger’s ‘what the papers say’ expert.
  22.  I lived in a house owned by the Stone Roses’ guitarist, Aziz Ibrahim.
  23.  I propped up a drunk Colin Wilson at a party.
  24. I have been enchanted at the Magic Circle.
  25.  I interviewed Theodore Zeldin at his art deco home in Oxford.
  26.  I mistook Russell Kane for Nick Grimshaw at a party.
  27.  I have done stand-up comedy.
  28. I was an extra on Eastenders as a child.
  29.  I smoked pot in the pyramid room of the William Westerfield House in San Francisco.
  30.  I walked on the bottom of the Caribbean sea wearing a stupid Sea Trek diving helmet.
  31.  I made my own shamanic drum.
  32.  I spoke to fairy spirits in English woodland.
  33.  I had a hay bath in Austria.
  34.  I mustered cattle in a helicopter.
  35.  I took a flight in a Cessna with just me and the pilot.
  36.  I have been on a 1925 steam locomotive in Portugal.
  37.  I had a handfasting at the foot of Pendle hill at Pendle Witch Camp.
  38. I have visited the shrines of every major Sufi saint in Pakistan.
  39. I dusted two human skulls on a Vodou altar (not my altar and all perfectly legal).
  40. I saw three shooting stars in one night in the Southern hemisphere.
  41. I got stung by a jellyfish. (No, that cure doesn’t work.)
  42. I got bit by a dog. It looked like this.
  43. I got bit by a rabbit. It looked like this.
  44. I got clawed by a cat. It looked like this.
  45. I have no pets.
  46. I did an interview with the American counter-culture author Tom Robbins that was cited in a PhD and in the author’s own anthology of interviews.
  47.  I saw Dropkick Murphys on St Patrick’s Day in Dublin.
  48. King Arthur offered to knight me in a pub in Bloomsbury but I turned him down.
  49. I have led guided meditation sessions for stressed publishing folks.
  50. Had 8 employers in between over a decade of working for myself – stayed at Arcturus the longest at more than five years.